Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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