I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
