Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
