Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
