He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
