They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize