Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
