I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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