i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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