whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
