new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize