the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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