You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
