Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
