I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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