Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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