my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
