This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
