I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
