I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
