there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You pole danced in your parka.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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