She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
