My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
