His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
