I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
