She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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