yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
