Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
