Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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