Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
