tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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