I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
