I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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