either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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