My Higher Power is John Stamos
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
