I am puke
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
