he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
