Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize