She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
