...so i touched it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
