I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
