he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
