you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
