Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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