Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
