Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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