She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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