i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize