I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
