she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
