I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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