sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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