end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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