"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
