i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
