I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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