I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
