she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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