Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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