I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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