after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
