...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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