you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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