Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
