well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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