i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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