i may or may not be watching the land before time
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
