Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
