i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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