pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wear drunk well.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
