it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sober January is a disaster.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
