I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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