fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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