I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
