Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So. Much. Porn.
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