This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize