1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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